When Jocelyne Ludgate talks about her younger brother Vince, she remembers a guy who loved working with his hands.
As a kid, he loved Lego and computer games that involved taking things apart and putting them back together. As an adult, Vince became a mechanic. He was smart, funny, kind, and a devoted father to three children. Despite having experienced hearing loss since childhood, he loved loud music—partly because he could feel it.
“He was just such a beautiful person,” says Ludgate. Vince died by suicide in January 2008. Even to this day, Ludgate isn’t interested in offering easy answers about grief. If anything, her experience has taught her the opposite.
“Everyone’s way of grieving is completely different…it’s not linear,” she says. Ludgate grew up on Prince Edward Island with three brothers and her parents. She says that all five family members loved Vince, but each had a different relationship with him and experienced his death differently.
Ludgate says that grief over suicide can also lead to questions that may never be answered. Talking openly about suicide was considerably less common back in 2008, when the unthinkable had happened. “I had to learn how to grieve over time and to realize that it’s okay,” she says.
There is no single way to experience the loss of a loved one to suicide. Sometimes referred to as suicide bereavement, the grief that follows can look different for every person and every family.
Learning to Talk About the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide
Ludgate didn’t wake up one morning and decide to become a suicide prevention advocate. Instead, it all started with a simple question. At the time, she was working as a licensed massage therapist in P.E.I., where, as she jokes, people tend to want to know about your family connections. Clients would ask how many siblings she had.
Suddenly, a simple question became surprisingly complicated. Did she have three brothers or two? Should she mention that Vince had died by suicide?
Eventually, Ludgate began to answer plainly: she had three brothers, and one of them had died. When the inevitable follow-up questions came, she began to say the words
He died by suicide.
“I kept practicing,” she recalls. Getting comfortable saying those words became a small act of advocacy. Ludgate reached out to the Canadian Mental Health Association in 2019 to learn about its advocacy work on suicide prevention and promoting life.
Ludgate simply wanted to find out what resources were available. What language should people use, and how could families talk about suicide more safely? But over time, learning turned into action.
One project especially close to Jocelyn’s heart was a grief toolkit for children. Vince’s three children had learned about their father’s death in different ways, and Ludgate wanted other families to have better tools for navigating those extraordinarily difficult conversations. A useful tool indeed, considering that suicide has been the second leading cause of death among young men for nearly two decades.
Her advocacy later expanded nationwide through the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention (CASP), where Ludgate co-chaired the foundation’s Lived Experience Working Group until recently.
Suicide-related loss affects thousands of Canadian families
Every year on September 10, people gather in communities across Canada and around the world to show support for suicide prevention efforts, to remember and celebrate the lives of those who have died by suicide, to comfort those who are grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide, and to strengthen connections and community bonds.
It’s important to understand that most people who think about suicide don’t want to die. They’re simply struggling to cope with overwhelming emotional pain. When we talk openly about suicide, we create space for hope and remind people that they aren’t alone.
Canada continues to experience high suicide rates, with certain communities facing disproportionately high rates: youth, men, Indigenous peoples, and 2SLGBTQIA+ people. From 2020 to 2023, an average of 13 people died by suicide every day in Canada.
The gender gap is striking: nearly three out of every four people who die by suicide in Canada are men, and the suicide mortality rate for men is almost three times that of women. Those statistics matter. But Ludgate believes that lived experience offers something that numbers cannot.
“Stats and facts can be dry, but lived experience brings a human touch to these conversations,” she says. Even language matters: Ludgate’s working group consciously moved away from describing bereaved people as “survivors of suicide loss.”
“I didn’t survive anything… I’m not a hero because my brother took his own life,” she says.
Raising Boys Who Can Talk
For Ludgate, suicide prevention has also influenced how she raises her 16-year-old son.
“I have intentionally done my best to raise someone who communicates openly and is willing to have difficult conversations,” she says. “If there’s a problem, I want to talk it through.” That lesson carries particular weight for men and boys.
Plenty of guys still grow up hearing some version of the same message: tough it out, keep moving, don’t make a big deal out of things. Ludgate believes we can do better by creating situations where men feel comfortable talking, whether that conversation takes place face-to-face, over a game of cards, or while doing something together.
How to Support Someone Grieving the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide
She says that if someone close to you is grieving, you don’t need a perfectly crafted response to support them. “People think they need to have all the answers before reaching out, but no one has all the answers,” she says.
Instead, Ludgate advises people to send a text, make a call, or drop off some food for someone in their life who is grieving. “Let them know you’re there to listen without judgment and be there for them when they need it most.”
Grief doesn’t go away
Several years of advocacy haven’t made Ludgate’s grief go away.
“I still cry,” she says. “I love my brother and I miss him very much.” A holiday, an anniversary—or even a routine trip to the grocery store—can bring those emotions flooding back. “You just have to feel it,” she says. “Whatever you need to do to let that emotion run its course—that, to me, is the healthiest way to handle it.”
Today, Ludgate is thinking about what comes next in her advocacy journey. She fondly recalls CASP’s Healing Day events, which brought together people who have personally experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide to share their stories, connect with one another, and gain practical tools. Someday, Ludgate would like to replicate the success of those Healing Day events, perhaps in her own community.
She admits the dream is still taking shape, and with a laugh calls herself a procrastinator. However, the idea behind the dream is serious:
to connect people so that fewer have to cope with the loss of a loved one to suicide on their own.
For someone grieving today and wondering what life might look like years from now, Ludgate refuses to offer a cliché.
Instead, she shares something she has learned from personal experience: “I want people to know that you’re not alone,” she says. “It might feel like you’re alone in those early weeks and months—even during those early years—but there are people in the lived experience community who love you and want the best for you.”
Where to Find Support After Losing a Loved One to Suicide
There is no single right way to grieve the loss of someone to suicide. Support might include counseling, a peer group, talking with family or friends, connecting with others who have lived through similar experiences, getting involved in advocacy, or simply giving yourself space and time to grieve in your own way.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, is thinking about suicide, or is experiencing emotional distress, help is available:
- 9-8-8: Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 9-8-8 from anywhere in Canada, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
- Kids Help Phone: Young people across Canada can call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868 for support.
- Hope for Wellness Helpline for Indigenous Peoples: Available to all Indigenous people across Canada. Call 1-855-242-3310
If you have lost someone to suicide and are looking for information, a sense of connection, or support, these resources may help:
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This is a compassionate and deeply moving reflection on the lasting impact of suicide loss. I’m truly touched by the sensitivity with which this difficult subject is addressed, offering understanding and reminding those who grieve that their pain deserves compassion, patience, and genuine support.