Online Influencers: The Good, Bad and the Ugly

You know that guy you check in on every week? The one whose videos you never miss, whose podcast drops you listen to on your commute, whose take on things just makes sense when nothing else does?

He feels like someone who just gets it. Someone who’s been where you are and figured out how to navigate it all — the confusion about what it means to be a man right now, the pressure to have everything figured out and how you have the power to overcome any obstacle.

Maybe he’s a fitness guy who talks about discipline and self-improvement. Maybe he’s a podcaster who asks the questions you wish you could ask. Or maybe he’s someone who just seems to be living the life you want. He’s successful, confident and surrounded by people who respect him.

You’ve probably shared his content. Referenced his ideas in conversations. Maybe even caught yourself sounding like him sometimes.

Here’s the thing though. He has no idea you exist.

That’s not a criticism. It’s just the math. He’s talking to hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of people. You’re one view in an ocean of metrics. And yet the relationship feels real and meaningful. It feels like something you need.

This kind of connection has a name: a parasocial relationship. A 2022 study defined it as a one-sided connection where you feel like you know someone, but they don’t know you exist. 

It’s not a matter of whether this is happening or not. It is. The question is what it means, and what we do about it.

The search for something real

According to our research, about 50% of Canadian men are at risk of social isolation. That’s not a small problem. It’s an issue that’s been building up for years.

Many people end up trying to find people to look up to through online platforms. And fair enough. Everyone needs models of what it means to grow up, to be respected, to matter. Everyone needs community and to feel understood.

And online influencers help fill that gap. Whether they’re self-help gurus, political commentators, fitness personalities, or gaming streamers. They share about their struggles and create spaces where viewers feel like they belong.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting these things. In fact, it’s completely natural to do so. But online communities aren’t the only place you can find support and a sense of belonging.

Spaces where connection goes both ways

Moe Green has been watching these trends unfold. For 14 years, he’s been facilitating GuysWork, a program that creates safe spaces for young men in Nova Scotia schools to talk openly about what’s affecting them.

Green mentions Kanye West recently came up in GuysWork conversations. They discussed Kanye’s past anti-semitic comments. He says the kids were open minded and critical when talking about how they enjoy his music, but don’t agree with his views. Or how factors like mental health and trauma can factor into the artist’s behaviour.

Sometimes, guys in the group admit they’re struggling with these relationships but, thankfully, reach out to the program facilitators for help.

“I always want to shine a light on the number of youth who are navigating these challenges really, really well,” Green adds.

How are some of these young men handling this so well? What’s helping them stay grounded when so much online content pulls in the opposite direction? Green says he’s still at the beginning of this research journey. He’s still trying to better understand what’s really making the difference. “We have a student in Saint Francis Xavier University who’s been doing some [research] for us,” shares Green.

That student is Jake Grady. He’s studying psychology at the university and is especially interested in how parasocial relationships affect young men’s mental health and what can be done to help them navigate this landscape more critically. What they’re learning might change how we think about connection, influence and what young men need right now.

Research that shows both sides

Here’s where it gets interesting. Parasocial relationships aren’t inherently good or bad. It depends on who you’re following and what they’re saying.

What Grady is finding is simple: who you follow really matters

“We found that the more misogynistic ‘manfluencers’ a man follows, the more he is likely to dehumanize women,” he says. This is seeing women as less human and less equal.

But the flip side exists too. “Research has identified that ‘instadads’ who regularly model ‘sharenting’ behaviour (the sharing of household tasks) can have positive impacts on their male followers,” he explains. “Through parasocial relationships, instadads can help normalize and legitimize men’s role in domestic care.”

So the same method that can misguide someone can also help normalize healthier models of masculinity. So it’s not the parasocial relationship itself. It’s what’s flowing through it.

The Andrew Tate moment

Green remembers an example moment clearly. A 14-year-old boy in his circle was explaining his vision for marriage someday.

“He said, you know, when I’m married, it doesn’t matter if my wife has a job, that’s fine as long as when I get home, there’s a meal on the table and the house is in order,” Green recalls.

The boy was repeating sound bites from Andrew Tate, the controversial influencer who’s built a massive following by promoting old-school views on gender roles.

What’s strange is that this young man didn’t seem to be expressing his own carefully considered values. He was repeating someone else’s script word for word. Someone he’d never met. Someone who had no idea he existed.

This is a part of what brought Grady to the research. “I began thinking about how other people may have parasocial relationships with these ‘manfluencer’ content creators, in the same way I had parasocial relationships with my favourite online creators,” he says.

Understanding parasocial relationships

Grady didn’t set out to study parasocial relationships. He discovered the term in his second year of undergrad when a friend described the intense online comments around K-pop idols.

“Fans would write stories, discuss drama between groups and speculate about their lives,” Grady recalls. “I began thinking about the content creators I follow online, and whether I had a parasocial relationship with them.”

He soon realized he did. “I followed many online creators that I regularly checked in with, like a friend. I’d keep up to date on their ‘day-in-the-life’ content, and I was invested in their personal lives. I was genuinely interested in these online content creators, despite the fact that they have no idea who I am.”

Sound familiar?

Grady says parasocial relationships come down to three key things: 

• perceived trust
• perceived closeness
• perceived influence

So what actually helps young men build real connection?

Two things that really help

Green says GuysWork offers something parasocial relationships can’t: reciprocal connection.

The GuysWork space does two things, he explains.

“We’re sort of bucking the trend and stepping away from the online world and having these conversations in a circle,” Green explains. “So that’s the starting point, but the building of the safe space in the circle allows us to tackle some topics and conversations that can be challenging.”

The second thing? Creating a pathway to support. “So if young men do say, you know what, this is embarrassing for me, but I’m going down a rabbit hole and I think I need some support, then the GuysWork facilitator in the school can pass them on to the school social worker, the school psychologist which they trust.”

The program runs in about 100 schools across Nova Scotia. The model uses school-based staff who students already know, create circles where young men can talk honestly and build trust over time.

Research on the program has already shown less engagement with harmful masculinity norms after completing the GuysWork program.

Safe space plus pathway to support. It sounds simple. Although it’s something most online communities, no matter how large or how engaged, can’t provide.

Where things can go wrong

Not all roads lead somewhere positive.

“Just another concern of some of the unhelpful, unhealthy parasocial relationships that might be brewing for some young people,” Green says. “Is that radicalization that could connect with misogyny, racism, homophobia, whatever.”

When you spend enough time consuming someone else’s perspective it can start to replace your own. Their values become your values. Their anger becomes your anger. Their language becomes how you think.

This isn’t conscious. We learn by watching other people. That’s how humans work. But when the people you look up to are from personalities designed to generate engagement and make money, you’re not learning how to be yourself. 

To boot, when you’re isolated you become more vulnerable to simple answers, clear enemies and identities that promise belonging.

What you can do

If any of this sounds familiar or if you recognize yourself (or someone you know) in these patterns, here’s where to begin:

Pay attention to who you’re following

Show caution with who you are following, how closely you are following them, and to remain critical of the messages they are pushing.

Ask yourself: Do I trust this person? Do I feel close to them? Are they influencing how I think? Remember, you’re only seeing what they choose to show you. They don’t know you exist.

Think critically about messages

Diversify your sources. Seek out content that challenges you, not just content that confirms what you already believe.

When you encounter content from influencers, ask yourself whether it’s helpful or harmful. Not just for you personally, but more broadly.

Does this make me think less of other people? Does this oversimplify complex issues? Does this require me to see the world in us-versus-them terms?

Build an in-person community

You don’t need a formal program. Consistent, face-to-face connection where people actually know you can have a massively positive influence.

Join some type of club, sport or group. Show up regularly. Let familiarity build into friendship. It’s harder than clicking subscribe, but it also addresses the loneliness you may experience. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

If you’re worried that you or someone you care about has gone down a rabbit hole, that’s not weakness. That’s awareness.

Talk to someone you trust. Name what’s happening. Sometimes just saying it out loud breaks its power.

Try letting yourself be seen

Parasocial relationships feel safe because they don’t require vulnerability. You can consume, agree, feel connected — all without risking being truly seen.

Real connection requires showing up as yourself. Imperfect. Still figuring things out. Capable of being hurt.

It can feel harder, but it can give you a connection that’s really meaningful.

Want to keep the conversation going?

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Connection is hard — especially when you’re navigating complex questions about identity and belonging. Find out more at GuysWork, or explore CMHF’s MindFit Toolkit for more resources.