Across Canada, many men and young men are quietly running out of connection.
They may be surrounded by coworkers, teammates, followers – even family — but still feel profoundly alone. A growing share of men are single, “friend-poor” and unsure how to rebuild intimacy once school, sports or a long-term relationship ends.
The Canadian Men’s Health Foundation’s research has pointed to the scale of the problem: social isolation is a major driver of declining mental health among Canadian men with half now at risk of social isolation. Among men living alone, that number skyrockets to 73 per cent.
But male loneliness isn’t just about “not having people around.” It’s the loss of reliable, emotionally safe relationships, especially adult friendships and romantic partnerships, compounded by masculinity norms and major life transitions like breakups, aging, job loss or relocation. Left unaddressed, that isolation can harden into depression, substance use, and for some men, suicidal thoughts.
To better understand what’s driving this trend, I spoke with Dr. Paul Sharp, a senior lecturer at the University of New South Wales’ health sciences department and a member of UBC’s Men’s Health Research Program, and with Sachin Latti, a mental health advocate who ran across Canada after his marriage collapsed and his depression deepened.
Their perspectives, one grounded in research, the other in lived experience, converge on a difficult truth: many men are struggling quietly and often don’t have the language, skills or support to name what’s happening.
The “friendship recession” among men
For decades, we’ve assumed loneliness was primarily a problem among older adults. But Dr. Sharp’s research with men aged 18-35 paints a very different picture.
“A lot of the guys we spoke to had great friendships in school,” said Dr. Sharp in an interview. “But once high school or university ends, those networks start to fade. People move, they partner up, they get busy. And over time, those broader friendships narrow.”
Dr. Sharp calls this part of a broader “friendship recession.” Structural shifts like longer work hours, financial pressure, fewer “third places” like community clubs and a more online world have made it harder to maintain deep adult friendships.
Importantly, many men rely on what researchers call “activity-based” friendships: buddies to play hockey with, grab beers with or work out alongside. Those relationships matter, but when the activity disappears due to a job change, a move or a breakup, the connection often evaporates too.
“It’s not that activity-based friendships are bad,” said Dr. Sharp. “They’re often how men first connect. The challenge is moving that acquaintance into something emotionally safer and more durable.”
For Sachin Latti, the collapse of his marriage exposed just how thin his social infrastructure had become.“When my divorce finalized, I remember thinking: ‘Who the hell would want to be with me?’” he said. “I felt like a failure. Financially starting over. Not the best husband. I spiralled.”
Latti described a moment during the pandemic when he felt so alone that he texted a friend simply asking for a hug. “That’s how lonely I was,” he said. “And I’m not a guy who usually says that.”
Why masculinity makes loneliness hard to talk about
Why don’t more men talk about feeling lonely? Part of the answer lies in masculinity norms.
“We still see strong cultural messages that men should be stoic, independent and self-reliant,” said Dr. Sharp. “Those traits are often celebrated. But we don’t talk about the times when grinding through alone doesn’t work.”
Men may intellectually agree that “opening up” is healthy, he added, but in practice expressing loneliness can feel like admitting weakness or failure. Loneliness itself is also hard to articulate.“It’s not just about being alone,” Dr. Sharp explained. “You can be surrounded by people and still feel disconnected. It’s an internal sense that you’re not fulfilled or that you don’t belong.”
That nuance matters. A man might go to the pub with friends, play rec hockey or show up at work every day and still feel profoundly isolated. Latti recognized that dynamic in his own life.
“Most of my friendships were just: go to the gym, go for drinks and watch a fight,” he said. “My friends were all good people, but we weren’t actually connecting beyond the activity.” Only later, after meeting a fellow veteran who was willing to talk openly about mental health did Latti experience something different. “We’d just meet for coffee and actually talk,” he said. “That was new for me and I realized I wanted more of that.”
How loneliness affects mental health and substance use
Loneliness rarely exists in isolation. It often intertwines with substance use, depression and suicide risk. Dr. Sharp was quick to point out that alcohol plays a complicated role in male social spaces.
“It can be the glue that brings men together,” he said. “But it’s also a depressant and for some guys it becomes a way to numb or avoid the pain.”
During Dr. Sharp’s extensive research interviews, men described alcohol as both a social lubricant and an emotional hedge. It allowed them to say: “I love you, man” and then blame it on the booze the next day. There is even emerging evidence that chronic loneliness can carry health risks comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day with links to heart disease and premature mortality.
In Latti’s case, alcohol sometimes eased social anxiety, but also blurred into something more dangerous.“I’ve had issues with substance abuse and suicidal ideation,” he shared candidly during our conversation. “Not just in the last five years – for the past 30 years now.” Latti worked in law enforcement, an environment he described as highly masculine and emotionally restrictive. “I walled up my emotions: that was survival in my line of work, but in hindsight it wasn’t healthy.”
Why divorce, aging and life transitions increase loneliness
Research shows that certain life transitions amplify risk for loneliness. Statistics Canada has reported significantly higher loneliness among seniors who are widowed, separated or divorced compared to those who are partnered. But the vulnerability isn’t limited to older men.
“When you narrow your social world to your partner and immediate family, you become more susceptible to a breakup,” Dr. Sharp explained. “If that relationship ends, you’ve suddenly lost both your romantic and much of your friendship infrastructure.”
For Latti, a divorce, sudden career upheaval and a global pandemic overlapped in devastating ways. “The shame I felt was heavy among work colleagues and family – everyone knew and I felt exposed.” But in that moment, Latti did something out-of-character: he poured himself into running, a sport he hated. First it was 100 kilometres, then nine ultramarathons, then 22 consecutive marathons and eventually a cross-Canada run that raised over $215,000 for mental health.
“In the depths of the worst period of my life, running gave me purpose – something to look forward to every day,” he said. Yet even that had its limits. “I was hyper-focused, training 200 kilometres a week. I didn’t have mental bandwidth for much else. This is a process and I’m still figuring it out.”
What helps you build reconnection
So what can you do if you recognize yourself in Sachin’s story? Research and lived experience point to a few simple starting points.
Dr. Sharp emphasized prevention across the life cycle: maintaining friendships during transitions, creating spaces for peer support and normalizing emotional literacy for boys and men. Peer support programs like BuddyUp, especially those grounded in shared experience and reciprocity, can be powerful. They allow men to both give and receive help, aligning with values of camaraderie and teamwork.
Latti distilled his recipe into three essentials: community, connection and movement. “If you’re part of a community, if you’re connecting with someone and if you have some kind of movement in your life, you’re going to be better off,” he said. “It won’t fix everything, but it gets you unstuck.”
That might mean texting a friend for coffee – not drinks. It could also mean joining a running group, volunteering for a cause or reaching out for peer support. Or if things feel overwhelming, it could mean speaking with a mental health professional because loneliness thrives in silence.
Why connection matters to your health
For many Canadian men, loneliness develops quietly through ordinary life transitions: finishing school, ending relationships, changing careers or moving away from community. But research increasingly shows that strong social connection is one of the most important protective factors for mental health. Rebuilding friendship and community doesn’t just improve emotional wellbeing. It can play a meaningful role in helping men stay healthy, resilient and alive.
If you’re feeling disconnected, these resources can help you reconnect and find support:
CMHF – Never Alone: Why Connection is Key to Men’s Mental Health
CMHF – How To Build Meaningful Friendships that Last
The Lonely Man Project: Supporting Men and the Families Who Love Them
CAMH Engage – The Hidden Crisis: Why Men Are Struggling in Silence
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